Thursday 29 April 2010
Tim Minchin Does it again
Tim Minchin has gloriously ejaculated another brilliant song into existence and It would be a crime for me not to share with you this morsel of creative genius.
By the way, if you're at work, or your mother is in ear shot, you may want to wait until you're in a more private setting.
My choice lyric from the song is thus
"But if you find me more offensive than the fucking possibility
That the Pope protected priests when they were getting fucking fiddly
Then listen to me motherfucker, this here is a fact
You are just as morally misguided as the motherfucking
power hungry
self-grandised
Bigot in the stupid Fucking Hat"
Sunday 25 April 2010
Old man in Funny hat and dress Demands to be taken Seriously
Category : Religion, Humour
When God made woman, he took a rib.
When God made Catholics, he took their sense of humour.
In my last post, we looked at the disgusting, amoral, unethical, sub-human side of the Roman Catholic Church in vomit inducing detail. But that was rather depressing wasn't it? There were no laughs to be had there! Countless children's lives have been ruined at the hands of RCC Priests, desperately trying to "Save them from Sin" by making them "Get on their knee's and accept their blessing".
BUT it seems that the RCC has heard my silent plea for comic relief and has provided some with haste! They may be centuries behind in terms of science, civil rights and moral integrity but they are like lightning when it comes to making a fool of themselves; they can't act quick enough.
But look at me whittle on while you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about.
A list of proposals for the Pope's itinerary when he visits Britain in September (written up by some junior civil servants) found itself being distributed far further than it was originally intended and, to the shock disgust to all that read it, it was full of violent threats, was grossly offensive and it was written in the blood of baby kittens.
...
Sorry, I meant that it was a list of 90% serious and relevant proposals (in bold) with a few tongue-in-cheek jokes thrown in that are only slightly more 'Risqué' than brushing your teeth in the morning. But you wouldn't think that, considering the reaction it garnered.
When God made woman, he took a rib.
When God made Catholics, he took their sense of humour.
In my last post, we looked at the disgusting, amoral, unethical, sub-human side of the Roman Catholic Church in vomit inducing detail. But that was rather depressing wasn't it? There were no laughs to be had there! Countless children's lives have been ruined at the hands of RCC Priests, desperately trying to "Save them from Sin" by making them "Get on their knee's and accept their blessing".
BUT it seems that the RCC has heard my silent plea for comic relief and has provided some with haste! They may be centuries behind in terms of science, civil rights and moral integrity but they are like lightning when it comes to making a fool of themselves; they can't act quick enough.
But look at me whittle on while you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about.
A list of proposals for the Pope's itinerary when he visits Britain in September (written up by some junior civil servants) found itself being distributed far further than it was originally intended and, to the shock disgust to all that read it, it was full of violent threats, was grossly offensive and it was written in the blood of baby kittens.
...
Sorry, I meant that it was a list of 90% serious and relevant proposals (in bold) with a few tongue-in-cheek jokes thrown in that are only slightly more 'Risqué' than brushing your teeth in the morning. But you wouldn't think that, considering the reaction it garnered.
"David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, was “appalled” to hear of the proposals, according to a source close to him, and blamed “a colossal failure of judgement” by officials involved.
A Foreign Office spokesman said: “This is clearly a foolish document that does not in any way reflect
The Foreign Office very much regrets this incident and is deeply sorry for the offence which it has caused"
7 slightly off collar jokes and people are treating the ‘incident’ like they planned on handing this to the pope with a straight face. The memo that list of proposals was included with even came with the following note: -
"Please protect; these should not be shared externally. The ‘ideal visit’ paper in particular was the product of a brainstorm which took into account even the most far-fetched of ideas."
Here is what I think happened.
There was a brainstorm meeting, everyone’s ideas were written down, some of the participants had the audacity to make a few jokes and had even more audacity to share those jokes within their inner circle, knowing that the joke proposals would probably receive a titter from a few co-workers (distracting them momentarily from their reality of working for the government, thinking up ways to occupy the time of a man in a dress as he wanders aimlessly around the country) before the OBVIOUS joke proposals being removed in subsequent revisions. Sound about right? Of course it does.
But the fun doesn’t stop at a few apologetic politicians who can’t be seen to be making jokes! The Catholics find out, and man, they are they pissed off.
One highly-placed source in the
“It is disgusting.
“It’s even possible the trip could be cancelled as this matter is hugely offensive.”
That’s right! They’re considering cancelling their visit over a few jokes shared at their expense! Way to take the high road, Catholicism.
“I hope all concerned are ashamed of themselves and it leaves a very unpleasant taste.”
D’aww, the RCC is upset that someone dared point out how ass-backwards, anti-scientific, sexist, homophobic and criminal the church is, and they’re upset about it. Diddums!
And there are quite a few interesting parallels that can be drawn here, a few delicious morsels of hypocrisy to be nibbled on happily.
The RCC, as has been established quite firmly, has been at the heart of a GIANT child abuse scandal where pretty much no one in the church’s hierarchy has been punished for their crimes (quite a few innocent groups have been scapegoated though) and their entire repentance amounts to a single poultry apology...yet here they are claiming that, because no one was fired for privately writing down mild satire, “one has to question whether the action taken is enough”.
It’s enough to make my jaw propel itself towards the centre of the earth.
You know, It wouldn’t surprise me if they were looking for any excuse to cancel the visit to
Tuesday 20 April 2010
The Pope Vs Justice
Category : Politics, News, Religion
Fiat justitia ruat caelum - "May justice be done though the heavens fall."
In recent months (and indeed years) It has come to clearer and clearer light that The Roman Catholic Church has been at the heart of the single largest child abuse/rape scandal that has ever had the misfortune of blighting our species. Over countless decades, in countries spanning the face of the Earth, hundreds..If Not thousands..Of children have had their lives ruined by Catholic priests and then have been abandoned, threatened, silenced or bribed by the Church in the name of Public relations and the conservation of power; The same church that is a source of morality, guidance and example for over a billion people worldwide.
The depth and detail of the churches crimes are too great for me to delve into without needing hours to write this blog, so instead, here are some links to articles that offer some small view of the totality of recent events
Starting from The Murphy report, released in 2009, which was "commissioned by the Irish government to investigate the way in which the church dealt with allegations of sexual abuse of children by priests over the period 1975 to 2004. It concluded that "the Dublin Archdiocese's pre-occupations in dealing with cases of child sexual abuse, at least until the mid 1990s, were the maintenance of secrecy, the avoidance of scandal, the protection of the reputation of the Church, and the preservation of its assets"
(the following links are in chronological order, and you'll notice they snowball as people find the courage to speak up, and, i have left a significant number of articles out so that you don't have novels to read)
-BBC Article, 9th Of March, Described as "One of The worst cases in the Murphy report"
-An Article from 'The Independant, 15th of March, an analysis of scandal in the church as more sexual abuse cases emerge
-Christopher Hitchens in "Slate" gives a summary of the charges the Pope and RCC face (as of the 15th of March)
-Cases (over 150) of Sexual abuse arise in German RCC, March 16th
-Cases spring up in Brazilian RCC, March 17th
-Pope publishes "Letter of Apology" to Irelands catholics ("We raped your kids and covered it up, Sorry!")
-March 24th, Pope refused to defrock priest that raped 200 deaf boys in Wisconsin
-March 26th, Similar cases to Wisconsin scandal appear in Italy, French Catholic priest claim the scandal is being used to attack the Pope Personally (Even though the Pope has been heavily implicated and evidenced in the cover up, silencing, aiding and abetting of Rapist priests)
-March 26th, The Pope blames the Media for "attacking the Church"
-March 28th, Pope calls global sex scandal "Petty Gossip", and is upset that the Church is being criticized
-April 2nd, The Popes personal preacher compares criticism of the pontiff and Church over child abuse to "collective violence" suffered by the Jews
-April 4th, New information arises implicating that the late Pope John Paul also covered up the Abuse of Children
-The Bishop of Tenerife blames Child abuse on the Children (Seriously. Seriously)
-April 10th, The Pope loses all ability to deny knowledge or involvement as more evidence, with his signature on it, arises. Pope lets convicted child rapist back into church to repeat offend
-April 11th, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins Prepare legal case against Pope for when he Visits Britain in September
-April 12th, Popes second in command blames the Scandal on Homosexuality
And that brings us pretty much up to date, as far as major events go, but bare in mind, as I said before - This is just the summary, there is plenty more detail that I have had to leave out because I want to sleep tonight and I don't think I could stomach any more of this right now.
I should not have to write a long argument as to why the Pope, and more than a handful of priests and bishops, should rightly be facing the courts. I should not have to write even a short argument over why they should end up in the docks.
Pope "Joey Rat" Benedict has committed crimes, terrible crimes, against his fellow man; Some of which constitute as crimes against humanity - There should be no question, no hesitation...And yet there is.
Catholics are not speaking up, and those that are tend to be protecting and defending the Pope and the Church's actions, in fact, the ONLY true outcry over this has been from humanists, secularists, atheists...The same people that Catholics and the religious alike often claim "Have no Morals", the same people that moderates claim "Are no better or worse than Religious people". Such Irony has not escaped me and nor will it be forgotten.
Worse still, because us Godless heathens are seemingly the only voices crying out for Justice against the white noise of Evil being defended, It is being claimed that our actions are being driven by our "Hatred of Religion"
NO.
We are driven by our will to see that Crimes do not go unpunished, that no mortal man is above the law, that no position in any institution can exonerate you from your actions. Perhaps, To all those who claim that Our calls for Justice are veiled attacks at religion, you should not be questioning our motives for speaking out, but questioning your own motives for remaining silent.
- Fiat justitia ruat caelum
Fiat justitia ruat caelum - "May justice be done though the heavens fall."
In recent months (and indeed years) It has come to clearer and clearer light that The Roman Catholic Church has been at the heart of the single largest child abuse/rape scandal that has ever had the misfortune of blighting our species. Over countless decades, in countries spanning the face of the Earth, hundreds..If Not thousands..Of children have had their lives ruined by Catholic priests and then have been abandoned, threatened, silenced or bribed by the Church in the name of Public relations and the conservation of power; The same church that is a source of morality, guidance and example for over a billion people worldwide.
The depth and detail of the churches crimes are too great for me to delve into without needing hours to write this blog, so instead, here are some links to articles that offer some small view of the totality of recent events
Starting from The Murphy report, released in 2009, which was "commissioned by the Irish government to investigate the way in which the church dealt with allegations of sexual abuse of children by priests over the period 1975 to 2004. It concluded that "the Dublin Archdiocese's pre-occupations in dealing with cases of child sexual abuse, at least until the mid 1990s, were the maintenance of secrecy, the avoidance of scandal, the protection of the reputation of the Church, and the preservation of its assets"
(the following links are in chronological order, and you'll notice they snowball as people find the courage to speak up, and, i have left a significant number of articles out so that you don't have novels to read)
-BBC Article, 9th Of March, Described as "One of The worst cases in the Murphy report"
-An Article from 'The Independant, 15th of March, an analysis of scandal in the church as more sexual abuse cases emerge
-Christopher Hitchens in "Slate" gives a summary of the charges the Pope and RCC face (as of the 15th of March)
-Cases (over 150) of Sexual abuse arise in German RCC, March 16th
-Cases spring up in Brazilian RCC, March 17th
-Pope publishes "Letter of Apology" to Irelands catholics ("We raped your kids and covered it up, Sorry!")
-March 24th, Pope refused to defrock priest that raped 200 deaf boys in Wisconsin
-March 26th, Similar cases to Wisconsin scandal appear in Italy, French Catholic priest claim the scandal is being used to attack the Pope Personally (Even though the Pope has been heavily implicated and evidenced in the cover up, silencing, aiding and abetting of Rapist priests)
-March 26th, The Pope blames the Media for "attacking the Church"
-March 28th, Pope calls global sex scandal "Petty Gossip", and is upset that the Church is being criticized
-April 2nd, The Popes personal preacher compares criticism of the pontiff and Church over child abuse to "collective violence" suffered by the Jews
-April 4th, New information arises implicating that the late Pope John Paul also covered up the Abuse of Children
-The Bishop of Tenerife blames Child abuse on the Children (Seriously. Seriously)
-April 10th, The Pope loses all ability to deny knowledge or involvement as more evidence, with his signature on it, arises. Pope lets convicted child rapist back into church to repeat offend
-April 11th, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins Prepare legal case against Pope for when he Visits Britain in September
-April 12th, Popes second in command blames the Scandal on Homosexuality
I should not have to write a long argument as to why the Pope, and more than a handful of priests and bishops, should rightly be facing the courts. I should not have to write even a short argument over why they should end up in the docks.
Pope "Joey Rat" Benedict has committed crimes, terrible crimes, against his fellow man; Some of which constitute as crimes against humanity - There should be no question, no hesitation...And yet there is.
Catholics are not speaking up, and those that are tend to be protecting and defending the Pope and the Church's actions, in fact, the ONLY true outcry over this has been from humanists, secularists, atheists...The same people that Catholics and the religious alike often claim "Have no Morals", the same people that moderates claim "Are no better or worse than Religious people". Such Irony has not escaped me and nor will it be forgotten.
Worse still, because us Godless heathens are seemingly the only voices crying out for Justice against the white noise of Evil being defended, It is being claimed that our actions are being driven by our "Hatred of Religion"
NO.
We are driven by our will to see that Crimes do not go unpunished, that no mortal man is above the law, that no position in any institution can exonerate you from your actions. Perhaps, To all those who claim that Our calls for Justice are veiled attacks at religion, you should not be questioning our motives for speaking out, but questioning your own motives for remaining silent.
- Fiat justitia ruat caelum
Retail Academy
Catergory : Personal
Have you ever been in a situation that has given you no option but to sit back and take stock of your life? Forced to analyse the metaphorical trajectory of your life to make sure you're not going to go flying into the side of a mountain (or an Icelandic Volcano)? Well I was almost in one of those situations today, but fortunately my twisted sense of humour saved me from staring too long into the abyss, as today I started "Retail academy" a place wherethe damned people go to learn about how to break into the retail sector. Or, more accurately, it's where people who have been unemployed for too long are sent by the Benefits office to get them a job as quickly as humanly possible. 5 weeks of classes on how to sell shit to shit munchers; marvellous.
"But why the almost-self-reflection?" I hear you ask enthusiastically, Well i'll tell you.
The majority of the people who are on this course have less than 5 GCSE's, the equivalent, for you Americans, would be them essentially failing high school, and barely graduating middle school. I, on the other hand, have 11 GCSE's, College qualifications AND a University Degree (College isn't the same as University in England), Which means I've spent 5 years extra in education, have amassed many thousands of pounds of debt in tuition fee's and yet i'm no further up the "Career's ladder" than people who I was more qualified than back when I was 15.
I could barely stop myself laughing out loud.
But don't get me wrong, everyone on the course are a lovely bunch of coconuts and I imagine I will get on quite well with all of them.
All Except one.
On the course we have two teachers, Allison and Tina. Allison is regular and sane and therefore inconsequential and uninteresting. Tina, on the other hand, is so fecking irritating that she could teach things to thrush.
First of all, she's been in retail for 30 years and she makes sure we will wake up in the dead of night chanting that under our breath by repeating that fact every 30 seconds or so, but what's worse is that she seems so proud of it to the point of absurdity, she's practically bragging about it; I wouldn't be surprised if she often fantasized about walking up to Voltaire, Leonardo da Vinci and Norman Borlaug and spitting "I've worked in Retail for 3 decades, the FUCK have you ever done?". And of course 30 years of customer service related work takes it's toll on the human psyche, especially so when the human involved can't seem to get enough of it.
You know when you go into a shop, and the clerk/sales assistant/greeter is so chirpy and happy to see you, you know it's fake (or at very least exaggerated)? Well Tina has managed to internalize that to the point where it is no longer forced, but natural, yet it retains all the qualities of someone forcing themselves to be ridiculously happy...And she does this by turning everything into a mini-performance; "Tina" Written by "Tina" Performed by "Tina", with gusto.
First we'll get a small morsel of information about retail, followed by an improvised and camp scene of her "comically" acting out that information, followed by an anecdote involving that information, followed by her "Comically" acting out that anecdote, followed by the part of me that loves comedy dying a little. Rinse repeat ad infinitum.
But i've found a way to make it bearable - I just imagine she's some clever street performer who has swindled their way into the position and has decided to brilliantly parody the entire retail business through heavy use of straight-faced sarcasm. In that scenario, Tina is a fucking Genius.
But really i'm just blowing off steam now, I'm sure she's an excellent teacher, is clearly qualified for the job and seems a perfectly friendly and pleasant person. But i'm quite misanthropic, so the moment something can be described as a "Person" i'm already cynical about how much i'll enjoy interacting with it.
New blog about the pope to come later today! (hopefully)
Have you ever been in a situation that has given you no option but to sit back and take stock of your life? Forced to analyse the metaphorical trajectory of your life to make sure you're not going to go flying into the side of a mountain (or an Icelandic Volcano)? Well I was almost in one of those situations today, but fortunately my twisted sense of humour saved me from staring too long into the abyss, as today I started "Retail academy" a place where
"But why the almost-self-reflection?" I hear you ask enthusiastically, Well i'll tell you.
The majority of the people who are on this course have less than 5 GCSE's, the equivalent, for you Americans, would be them essentially failing high school, and barely graduating middle school. I, on the other hand, have 11 GCSE's, College qualifications AND a University Degree (College isn't the same as University in England), Which means I've spent 5 years extra in education, have amassed many thousands of pounds of debt in tuition fee's and yet i'm no further up the "Career's ladder" than people who I was more qualified than back when I was 15.
I could barely stop myself laughing out loud.
But don't get me wrong, everyone on the course are a lovely bunch of coconuts and I imagine I will get on quite well with all of them.
All Except one.
On the course we have two teachers, Allison and Tina. Allison is regular and sane and therefore inconsequential and uninteresting. Tina, on the other hand, is so fecking irritating that she could teach things to thrush.
First of all, she's been in retail for 30 years and she makes sure we will wake up in the dead of night chanting that under our breath by repeating that fact every 30 seconds or so, but what's worse is that she seems so proud of it to the point of absurdity, she's practically bragging about it; I wouldn't be surprised if she often fantasized about walking up to Voltaire, Leonardo da Vinci and Norman Borlaug and spitting "I've worked in Retail for 3 decades, the FUCK have you ever done?". And of course 30 years of customer service related work takes it's toll on the human psyche, especially so when the human involved can't seem to get enough of it.
You know when you go into a shop, and the clerk/sales assistant/greeter is so chirpy and happy to see you, you know it's fake (or at very least exaggerated)? Well Tina has managed to internalize that to the point where it is no longer forced, but natural, yet it retains all the qualities of someone forcing themselves to be ridiculously happy...And she does this by turning everything into a mini-performance; "Tina" Written by "Tina" Performed by "Tina", with gusto.
First we'll get a small morsel of information about retail, followed by an improvised and camp scene of her "comically" acting out that information, followed by an anecdote involving that information, followed by her "Comically" acting out that anecdote, followed by the part of me that loves comedy dying a little. Rinse repeat ad infinitum.
But i've found a way to make it bearable - I just imagine she's some clever street performer who has swindled their way into the position and has decided to brilliantly parody the entire retail business through heavy use of straight-faced sarcasm. In that scenario, Tina is a fucking Genius.
But really i'm just blowing off steam now, I'm sure she's an excellent teacher, is clearly qualified for the job and seems a perfectly friendly and pleasant person. But i'm quite misanthropic, so the moment something can be described as a "Person" i'm already cynical about how much i'll enjoy interacting with it.
New blog about the pope to come later today! (hopefully)
Monday 19 April 2010
Welcome, untiring wanderers..
Category : Personal
Just what the Internet needs! Another blog!
If you're reading this you're either part of the special group of people that are going to join me on our journey through time, space and the Internet from the very beginning, OR, you're searching through the yet-unwritten archives of my blog from way in the future. If you happen to fall into the latter - HELLO FROM THE PAST! Has 3D television taken off or has it shown itself to be just another fad?
The reason I've decided to start this blog is actually pretty simple, I used to do video's on youtube under the name "DeusExNihilum" (Click here to visit my Youtube channel) but I've been finding it increasingly difficult to make video's for various reasons which I won't bore you with, Needless to say, starting a blog means that I can still produce content AND I can produce more of it in less time, so who is the winner here? Why you, of course!
As with my videos, this blog will be covering topics such as Science, Scepticism, Secularism, Politics, World News, Godlessness and anything else that happens to take my fancy, all delivered in a neat package of English dry wit and humour. In other words, without exaggerating too much, this is going to be the most perfect blog that has ever graced the internet.
And since I'll always be looking for new content to comment on, if you find anything interesting (news stories, blog posts, articles, etc) and you'd like me to have a look you can e-mail me at splittingoftheadam@hotmail.co.uk!
First entry to come soon!
Just what the Internet needs! Another blog!
If you're reading this you're either part of the special group of people that are going to join me on our journey through time, space and the Internet from the very beginning, OR, you're searching through the yet-unwritten archives of my blog from way in the future. If you happen to fall into the latter - HELLO FROM THE PAST! Has 3D television taken off or has it shown itself to be just another fad?
The reason I've decided to start this blog is actually pretty simple, I used to do video's on youtube under the name "DeusExNihilum" (Click here to visit my Youtube channel) but I've been finding it increasingly difficult to make video's for various reasons which I won't bore you with, Needless to say, starting a blog means that I can still produce content AND I can produce more of it in less time, so who is the winner here? Why you, of course!
As with my videos, this blog will be covering topics such as Science, Scepticism, Secularism, Politics, World News, Godlessness and anything else that happens to take my fancy, all delivered in a neat package of English dry wit and humour. In other words, without exaggerating too much, this is going to be the most perfect blog that has ever graced the internet.
And since I'll always be looking for new content to comment on, if you find anything interesting (news stories, blog posts, articles, etc) and you'd like me to have a look you can e-mail me at splittingoftheadam@hotmail.co.uk!
First entry to come soon!
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